Monday, January 25, 2010

The wonders of, or "Wow, you're a geek..!"

Okay, this has nothing to do with art, and everything with me being a geek.

There's a site called Omegle, where you chat with a random stranger, until one of you ends the conversation.

This is one such conversation I had with a gentleman via Omegle.  I tried using the shortest, and yet technically complete D&D adventure (per Monte Cook), and it just snowballed into this...


You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: im a guy btw
You: Hello, new player!
You: You are in a 10ft by 10ft room.
Stranger: oh, game time?
You: You see an orc with a pie.
Stranger: oh shit i want that pie
Stranger: apple?
You: The orc is looking at you warily.
You: Yes, it appears to be an apple pie.
Stranger: warily? ima gonna charge him
You: Ok, roll initiative!
Stranger: that pie is mine
Stranger: ROLL!
You: /roll
Stranger: /roll?
You: The orc has rolled a 13 out of 20.
You: You have a chance to beat him!
Stranger: ok, dam
Stranger: what if i upgrade my stuff
Stranger: i can roll to 30 now
Stranger: /roll
Stranger: i ole 22
Stranger: rol*
You: Ok, you go first!
Stranger: i win
You: Ok, roll to hit
Stranger: pie is mine!
You: It looks like his armor class isn't very good
Stranger: dam, i thought the pie was mine?
You: You can probably take him
You: No, you just rolled to see who went first
Stranger: god damit .... well
Stranger: i use my fuckin bow and arrow
Stranger: HEAD SHOT!
You: You successfully head-shotted the orc!
Stranger: thats a 5% chance btw
Stranger: oh yeah bitchs
You: The pie drops to the ground.
Stranger: i pick it up!
You: You pick it up. The pie seems to have a bit of red on it.
You: It's also covered with whipped cream.
Stranger: i dont care, gonna eat it
Stranger: oh yeah, red, whipped cream, sounds like my weekend
You: You eat the pie.
You: It tastes delicious!
Stranger: oh yeah, 10+ all states!
Stranger: know ima gonna /roll to see if i can get moe pie
You: Somewhere, there is a bakery making more delicious pies.
Stranger: oh god yes! pie is good
Stranger: oh wait
Stranger: are we using pie as a metaphor for women?
Stranger: if not, thats cool
Stranger: mmmm pie
You: Either or. Orcs are knows for devouring humans, as well as apples.
You: Do you wish to exit the room and search for any bakeries that employ other orcs?
Stranger: oh yeah, so i want it EVEN if its not a pie, but a chic
Stranger: with whipped cream
Stranger: oh yes
Stranger: i ount my flying zoo-bat
Stranger: mount*
You: Ok, you exit the 10ft x 10ft room, and mount your flying zoo-bat!
You: Roll me a perception check!
Stranger: NO, I MOUNT IT in THE 10FT BY 10FT ROOM
You: !!
Stranger: o god, not again
You: Ok, you mount the zoo-bat in the 10ft by 10ft room.
Stranger: rolling?! i want too mount my zoo-bat NOW
Stranger: oh yeah, now ima gonna ride that zoo-bat to the bakery
You: No, rolling perception was to see if you could track down orc-run bakeries.
Stranger: /roll perception check
Stranger: 9/30
Stranger: dam
You: Hmm.
You: Ok, you don't see anything. However, your zoo-bat rolled a 22/30.
Stranger: oh yes! i love it when my zoo-bat wins at this!
Stranger: he smells the pie
You: Your zoo-bat starts flying to the outskirts of the town, following a trail of apple and/or women pie!
Stranger: oh yes whipped cream here i come
Stranger: he dives!
Stranger: *gasp*
Stranger: i jump off him and land on the roof of a house
Stranger: fall thro
Stranger: and BAM there pie
Stranger: but theres also 10 orcs
Stranger: all with there weapons out
You: One of them is an elite War Orc!
Stranger: i use WHIRLWIND!
Stranger: it has a 10% chance to stun
You: Level 80 warrior, empowered with apple pie, stuns 8 out of the 10 normal orcs!
Stranger: oh yeah!
You: The war orc is still conscious and moving!
Stranger: wait, 80? what is this shit
Stranger: im like lvl - mr T
Stranger: Mr T schools ALL bitchs
You: You examine the War Orc, and realize that he too is a level Mr T.
Stranger: oh god
Stranger: well, im a CHARGIN MY LAZER!
You: Laser is charging
You: Laser is charging
You: Laser is charging
Stranger: triple finish!
Stranger: its super effective
You: The laser blast dispiates harmlessly after the War Orc's "I don't have time for this jibberjabber" shield!
Stranger: oh god!
You: War Orc is now charin his lazer!!11
Stranger: Mr T quote means i die
Stranger: welll, ROUND HOUSE KICK PLZ>!?!?!?!!!
Stranger: face shot
You: His lazer fails, as he misspelled "chargin"!
Stranger: oh yeah
Stranger: =)
You: You successfully round house kick him! The power of Chuck Norris compels you!
Stranger: oh yeah, it creates a new big bang
Stranger: but then the war ork wins
Stranger: cause we all know that chuck norris is weak
Stranger: war ork eats pie/ women
Stranger: and then explodes
Stranger: cause that pie/ women had a bomb on its chest
You: The War Orc goes "Om nom nom," and devours the women and pies.
You: And he explodes!
Stranger: those implants werent real?!
You: Mr T pities the fool orc who makes it to his level~!
Stranger: they were a bomb
Stranger: oooooohhhhhh yeeeaaaaaahhhh
Stranger: dam, know i own the bakery
Stranger: that bakery is my bitch
You: The bakery was destroyed in the new big bang, unfortunately.
Stranger: oh
You: However, you see 100k gold laying in the spot of the former bakery
Stranger: well, oh
Stranger: oh YEAH!
You: Would you like to rebuild the bakery and make more delicious pies? Y/N?
Stranger: coll-aid wins
Stranger: N
Stranger: ima gonna get me some hoes
Stranger: and build a playboy house
Stranger: happily ever after
You: The end! I hope you enjoyed this adventure, and remember - Cleanse spells are good for removing disease after sleeping with a ho!
You: Hookers and blow for the win!


And then the conversation ended, I joined Facebook, and we went on Omegle and regaled people with War Orc, courtesy of Nick Markey.

The end!

No comments:

Post a Comment